Sexual self-care means communication & patience.

This refers to communication with your health professionals about treatment options and sexual function outcomes or problems you are having. It also refers to communication with your partner. Sometimes sex is hard to talk about, family, religion, cultural norms etc.. can all impact on how comfortable we are talking about sex. Communication is key. Learning to work together is an important part of sharing pleasure. Patience is with yourself, your partner and your health professional. We are all human and this is hard, but worth it.

Communication takes work. A lot of it. How often have you walked away from a conversation with your partner feeling angry, disappointed or misunderstood especially when it has to do with sex? How often have you said things you regretted, things that hurt your partner unnecessarily? How often have you wished for more open and honest communication with the person your intimate partner?

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Sexual self care is valuing your pleasure.

Pleasure is the ultimate form of sexual self care or self care in general. Pleasure is an important part of a happy healthy life and a priority in general self care and sexual self care. It encompasses all the points before it and more.

Valuing your pleasure is a part of valuing, accepting and loving yourself. It can be a great way to support your mental health. Having said that it can be hard for many women to stop and take care of themselves first because we are taught to take care of others.

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Sexual self-care means understanding your likes, dislikes, and knowing that if those change, it’s ok.

It doesn’t just mean what you like sexually. We experience pleasure in all areas of our life. Illness and other stressors can change many aspects of our lives including how we experience pleasure and what we enjoy and appreciate. It forces us to face these changes so that we can move forward. Mindful self touch, like meditating can settle our mind, and our body. Pleasure mapping solo or partnered can be a non sexual to redefine pleasure. Pleasure mapping can also be used to start to explore pleasure in sexual touch.

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A bad BDSM experience has shaken me up

Q: For years I’ve enjoyed BDSM play but a recent bad experience has shaken me. I hooked up with a guy, who seemed to be an experienced "top", and we negotiated a scene together. He was able to take me deep into "sub" space and I enjoyed pushing my boundaries. When it was over though, he just went and had a shower. I asked if I could shower too and he handed me a towel and told me he was calling me a taxi. I felt shell-shocked and bewildered by the way he just cut me off.

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Are we too young to stop having sex?

Q: Can a marriage be good, happy and fulfilled but sexless? Gino (52) and I (48) have been married for 20 years. After our two children were born, sex dwindled, due to the usual pressures of family life. We are still relatively young, but haven't had sex for almost three years because Gino lost interest too. We both agreed this was OK. I was never a very sexual person. Gino usually initiated sex, and I don't miss it. We still have a very good relationship, and kiss and cuddle, and have physical contact. Are we too young to stop having sex?

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How do I move on from a bad relationship?

Q: I’m struggling to let go of my ex, and am allowing him to keep mistreating me. We agreed to part in February, but I’m drawn to him. He doesn’t want contact but I keep persisting, so he relents and we see each other and are intimate. That comforts me, but then it’s over, and I feel even worse. It’s an awful cycle of disrespect, to both myself and from him. How can I move on?

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7 ways to increase your chance of having an orgasm - tonight!

We are so excited to have the first of Isiah McKimmie’s podcasts shared with the Bliss Community. We love her work and we are grateful that she is allowing us to share her podcast through Bliss. In this podcast Isiah will be answering this question, “I have had orgasms before. Most of the time by myself and sometimes with my partner, but the thing is, I don’t always with him. It’s really frustrating. I don’t really know what it is. Do you have any tips for someone like me?”

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Since my marriage ended I miss hugs, cuddles and affectionate contact

Q: My marriage ended eight years ago. I’ve seen a few women since, but nothing developed. Recently, I’ve tried a dating site. I’ve had coffee with a couple of people, but again, nothing clicked. Now in my 50s, I realise I’m fairly content with life as it is, apart from one thing. I’ve always been a very tactile person. I’m not so bothered about sex, but I miss hugs, cuddles and affectionate contact. I enjoy a regular massage, but that’s a commercial, clinical arrangement. Any suggestions?

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20 Fun Facts about Fun Factory

This was an article originally published by Fun Factory

# 1 In 1996 Dirk Bauer and Michael Pahl, recent university graduates, sat down to design a silicone dildo. This is FUN FACTORY’s origin story. 

#2 Bauer and Pahl wanted to make a visually appealing, body-safe alternative to the hyper-realistic, flesh-tone, chemical-smelling sex toys that made up the market at the time.

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How parents can talk to their children about sexual education.

Q: Lucy (10) and Ben (12) are great kids, and get on well with Ian and I, but puberty is approaching. I want to keep the channels of communication open between us, but I know teenagers often shut their parents out. I would love it if they felt they could talk to us if something concerns them, especially in the area of sexuality, but I feel pretty ignorant and at a loss about modern sex – sexual orientation, porn, STIs, sexting and so on. How can I get better informed, and springboard this kind of conversation?

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5 Naughty Ways to Have More Fun in Bed

A: Great question, thanks for asking. Relationships take work, no matter if you are in the beginning or down the track. The difference is in the beginning we don’t see that the work we put in is effort. Making that effort at any stage doesn’t have to be a drag and is a great thing for your relationship. Inject some imaginative and goofy play into your sex life to increase the fun levels.

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My new partner has some habits I find intensely irritating

Q: I’m 55, and have started seeing a woman. We are compatible on most levels, and I see the potential for a long-term relationship. We’re from different cultural backgrounds, which we both find appealing. However, she has some eating habits I find intensely irritating – slurping her food, eating quickly and urgently, and talking with her mouth full. I’m worried about the impression she’ll make on my family and friends. I suffer from a degree of misophonia, and am not able to tolerate some sounds. I don’t want this to be a deal-breaker. What can I do?

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5 Ways To Make Sex More Fun When You're In A Long-term Relationship.

A: Thanks for asking the question. It is not easy to speak up and ask. I also want to tell you that it is very common for couples in long term relationships to feel as though their sex routine has become predictable. Many people want to spice things up in the bedroom but don’t know where to start. They can find suggesting new things intimidating let alone actually doing them. As Bliss’s resident sexologist I am here to help and show you that it is not as hard as you might think to bring fun back into your sex life.

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Sex without pain is a basic human right!

Sex is meant to be about pleasure and not pain, right? The American survey, the ‘National Survey of Sexual Health and Behaviour’ described as the ‘the largest national sex survey ever published’, found that one in three American women experienced some pain the last time they had sex. 75 percent of women have experienced pain during sex at some point in their lives, according to the American College of Gynecologists and Obstetricians. Painful sex happens for a whole range of reasons, including endometriosis, adenomyosis, pelvic floor issues and the list goes on.  

Does this concern anyone else? It is one of the reasons we do what we do. The wall of silence around women’s sexual wellness, pleasure and quality of life needs to be taken down. 

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What to do if you love a position but it hurts.

Whether it is doggy style or you on top, each to their own. I think we can all agree it sucks when something you and your partner enjoyed is disrupted when your favourite position hurts. It is actually very common for women to experience discomfort or pain during sexual intercourse. It is also very common that we try to ignore it, by just doing it without complaining or we avoid sex. Neither does you or your partner any favours.

If working out ways to get into your favourite positions and getting back into having sex with your partner appeals to you then keep reading.  

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