5 ways to stop Motherhood Ruining Your Sex Life - reconnect with yourself & your pleasure.

Motherhood can feel like a marathon, our energy going into our children, work, house, friends, family, portraying the perfect life to fill our social media. Our lives and our children’s lives are more connected and scheduled than ever before. Some would argue that motherhood has been taken to a higher energy, time and focus level than ever before. This makes sense when we are caring for our newborns but not as our children grow. If our energy is totally devoted to our children, house, and work what is left for us and for our sexual/intimate lives? Why have we put our sex lives on hold as if it is not an important part of our life or our relationship?

We have all read the benefits of having an active sex life and maintain connection with your partner. Before becoming a Mum there is a very high probability that you enjoyed just that, an active sex life not lacking in desire. After all, for most mother’s sex is how becoming a mother happened. Then work, mortgage, kids, school fees, weekend sports, bigger house and more cleaning, the pressure to have the perfect life all happened, so that by the end of the day when we finally get to lay down in bed a bedgasm is the closest we get to an orgasm. You know that feeling of sheer pleasure when you are horizontal with your head on your pillow and sex is the furthest thing from your mind.

Are you consciously turning off desire so you can focus on your family, turning off an important part of you as an individual, of your intimacy, pleasure and overall health? Unlikely, you used to enjoy sex, you still love your partner. We know that sex is beneficial to your health and your relationship. 

 
Red, light blue and dark blue stripe wall. Mother holding baby walking past the wall.

Red, light blue and dark blue stripe wall. Mother holding baby walking past the wall.

 

So, let's talk about the importance of taking care of ourselves physically, emotionally and sexually. Is it possible that you have (unintentionally) demanded too much of yourself in your roles as partner and parent? Please remember children do not need us to spend every waking moment engaged and interacting with them or managing their lives. Being a great Mum does not mean becoming your children’s chauffer and executive assistant managing their every minute. It is entirely reasonable to allow children to have some independent play time, or even become a little bored. Studies actually show that some boredom is important for a child to develop creativity.

Managing every minute of a child’s life in today’s version of being a Mum not only creates a level of dependence not seen to date but it also means as a Mum your mind is full to overflow of energy zapping mental clutter - who is on carpool tomorrow, do I need to schedule a play date for Sasha, what's for dinner tonight……….. Sound familiar? There is no space or energy for sexual thoughts or desires let alone any energy for action or pleasure. Read more about why pleasure and sexuality are important expressions of us as individuals.

So how can you make the shift back to you.

1. The first thing to do is to get really clear about what relaxes you, how your partner can help, and what turns you on sexually. 

2. Begin to reconnect to your own needs learn how to verbalize and ask for what you want, both in life and in sex. 

3. Do the things you enjoy take a little time alone, a bath, a glass of wine, time to read your favourite book, a quick conversation with your favourite girlfriend, your husband to put the kids to bed? There are no right or wrong answers to this question — only what's right for you. 

4. Reconnect with yourself as an individual, particularly a sexual individual (yes masturbation is an amazing way to reconnect with yourself sexual, shop for quality adult products here) will add a crucial aspect to your energy, happiness, and especially your relationship. When we see sex as a chore versus a wonderful part of our lives, we lose desire and the fun and playfulness that comes with an active sex life. 

5. Explore the ideas of sexual self care as you begin to redefine your pleasure and sexuality.

It is clear from research and experience;

· Decreased desire does not have to be an accepted side effect as we mature.

· Intimacy is very important in maintaining a strong marriage, which results in stronger families.

· The female brain is the most important sex organ. When we are mentally prepared for sex, it can be so much more enjoyable!

· Motherhood can be joyful and exhausting, but it does not have to be at the loss of your individuality and pleasure.

· Owning your own sexuality and caring for that part of your life as you would any other, will lead to less stress, more relaxation, a closer bond with your partner, and a calmer happier mum. 

If you would like some assistance with getting reconnected with yourself and with your pleasure after baby makes, whether it is recently or even months or years ago you can arrange a skype session with our resident sexologist Jodie.

Originally published at kintsugisce.com


Disclaimer: The information contained in this document should be read as general in nature and is only to provide an overview of the subject matter covered. Please read product packaging carefully and follow all instructions.