Posts in Mental Health
World Sexual Health Day 2019, 4th September 2019

“Sexuality Education for all: a bridge to sexual health.”

This year is all about the importance of comprehensive sexuality education (CSE) for all age groups and contexts. The aim is to emphasize that people of all ages and backgrounds should have access to sexuality education.

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What is the most effective sex tip you have given?

When people find out I am a sexologist - sexuality educator I get some odd questions. Though the most common question I get is what is your most effective sex tip? It is simple and one of my favourite topics.

Touch, Touch more.

Sounds simple doesn’t it? Yes, but touching more often in your relationship has the power to transform your sex life. If you are thinking about spicing up your sex life, you may be thinking blindfolds and other things inspired by 50 shades and touch is probably not the first things that comes to mind. Most people think they need to do more elaborate stuff but it really can be a simple as starting with touching more.

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Where can abused men get help?

Q: On June 30 you attempted to take gender out of a discussion on controlling behaviours and domestic abuse, but the bulk of the piece seemed aimed at women. It is less common, but men can also be psychologically, physically and sexually abused by women. Where can they go for help?

A: Society does tend to see women as victims and men as perpetrators. So many women are dying at the hands of their male partners that public attention and resources are, quite rightly, focused on that sector. By mentioning the high rate of male suicide I was attempting to broaden our understanding of the negative effects of domestic dysfunction.

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Sexual self care is valuing your pleasure.

Pleasure is the ultimate form of sexual self care or self care in general. Pleasure is an important part of a happy healthy life and a priority in general self care and sexual self care. It encompasses all the points before it and more.

Valuing your pleasure is a part of valuing, accepting and loving yourself. It can be a great way to support your mental health. Having said that it can be hard for many women to stop and take care of themselves first because we are taught to take care of others.

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A bad BDSM experience has shaken me up

Q: For years I’ve enjoyed BDSM play but a recent bad experience has shaken me. I hooked up with a guy, who seemed to be an experienced "top", and we negotiated a scene together. He was able to take me deep into "sub" space and I enjoyed pushing my boundaries. When it was over though, he just went and had a shower. I asked if I could shower too and he handed me a towel and told me he was calling me a taxi. I felt shell-shocked and bewildered by the way he just cut me off.

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How do I move on from a bad relationship?

Q: I’m struggling to let go of my ex, and am allowing him to keep mistreating me. We agreed to part in February, but I’m drawn to him. He doesn’t want contact but I keep persisting, so he relents and we see each other and are intimate. That comforts me, but then it’s over, and I feel even worse. It’s an awful cycle of disrespect, to both myself and from him. How can I move on?

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Since my marriage ended I miss hugs, cuddles and affectionate contact

Q: My marriage ended eight years ago. I’ve seen a few women since, but nothing developed. Recently, I’ve tried a dating site. I’ve had coffee with a couple of people, but again, nothing clicked. Now in my 50s, I realise I’m fairly content with life as it is, apart from one thing. I’ve always been a very tactile person. I’m not so bothered about sex, but I miss hugs, cuddles and affectionate contact. I enjoy a regular massage, but that’s a commercial, clinical arrangement. Any suggestions?

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How to handle the laws of emotion.

Q: Sam and I have always worked on our relationship, reading books, and attending workshops and seminars. We've resolved a range of problems over the years, but there is one destructive pattern that seems impossible to change. Sometimes, something is said or done that triggers an extreme reaction in one, or both of us. The anger, fear, and blame expressed is so intense you'd think we hated each other. What's going on?

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5 Reasons Physical Touch is So Important

Touch is a sense that in today’s busy digital age we are engaging in less and less. This arguably plays a part in the increase in loneliness, mental and emotional health issues of today. Despite the many positives that technology has brought to our lives or innate need for connection has not evolved to the point where touch is no longer needed for our physical and emotional health – no not even robotic sex dolls can replace consensual, pleasurable human touch. Physical touch is vital for our health.

A favourite topic of mine.

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