Posts in Relationships
What Turns You On? The 4 Steps to Discover What You Enjoy Sexually

We are proud to announce that we are sponsoring Isiah McKimmie’s podcast Wholehearted: Love, Sex & Intimacy. The following is the first one and we love it. It is a little surreal hearing an advertisement of your business for the first time but it is also amazing. We are so excited to be working with Isiah.

Isiah loves helping women become sexually empowered, which we are all about! Isiah and the Bliss Team both come across this often, women will say “I don’t know what I like. How do you find out? How do I tell my partner what I like?”

And partners will say “I wish I knew what she really enjoys sexually. I try to ask but she says she doesn’t know. I just want to please her.”

In this podcast Isiah shes tips to help discover epic pleasure:

  • Vital factors of a woman’s turn on

  • Her 4 step formula to discover what you really enjoy

  • Playful ways to explore with yout partner

  • Sexy suggestions from other women.

You can listen to the podcast here.

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Schedule sex, does that mean our relationship is doomed?

Q. We have both been so busy lately the only time we seem to have sex is when we actually schedule it into our calendars. If it is not something we have accepted in our calendars we either hit our pillows and pass out or I go to bed exhausted first and he comes to bed later. It makes me feel like we are doomed. Help are we doomed?

A: This is linked to one of the most common questions I get - should we schedule sex? How do we schedule sex and not get in a rut? The thought of scheduling sex scares people they believe that if they’re not having spontaneous sex, something must be wrong with their relationship, or with their sexual chemistry or that their relationship is doomed. Some even see that making the decision to schedule sex feels like an admission that their sex life is officially doomed. So, is it?

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What is the most effective sex tip you have given?

When people find out I am a sexologist - sexuality educator I get some odd questions. Though the most common question I get is what is your most effective sex tip? It is simple and one of my favourite topics.

Touch, Touch more.

Sounds simple doesn’t it? Yes, but touching more often in your relationship has the power to transform your sex life. If you are thinking about spicing up your sex life, you may be thinking blindfolds and other things inspired by 50 shades and touch is probably not the first things that comes to mind. Most people think they need to do more elaborate stuff but it really can be a simple as starting with touching more.

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About last night: A doggie dilemma.

Q. Gemma got her Labrador, Arnie, for her 11th birthday. He’s half deaf, has arthritis, and is pretty smelly, but she’s besotted. I get it, but he’s a passion killer. I never sleep at her place because the dog sleeps on her bed, and he snores and farts all night. She’ll come to my place, but won’t sleep over because she won’t leave Arnie alone. We can’t go away for the weekend, or even for a long day trip, because he gets sick in the car. Gemma’s great, but I’m tired of being tied down by a dog.

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He’d like our sex life back, but I feel no desire.

Q Brett and I (early 30s) have been together for 6 years, and have two children (3 and 1). Brett’s a wonderful guy who works hard, is great with the kids, and is loving and supportive of me. He’s been very patient about my lack of interest in sex, but I know he’d like our old sex life back. I love him, but feel no desire. Help.

A You are going through one of life’s most profound transitions. Regardless of age, becoming a parent changes you as fundamentally as adolescence did. Your hormones and your lifestyle have been disrupted. Things will never be just as they were, any more than Brett is likely to rekindle his passion for Spider-Man, nor you, for princesses.

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How to get out of a sex rut + have more playful, loving, satisfying sex

Isiah McKimmie’s podcasts have graciously been shared with the Bliss Community. We love her work and we are grateful that she is allowing us to share her podcast through Bliss. In this podcast Isiah answers the question Am I in a Sex Rut and how do I get out of it?

Does Isiah have any tips? Of course she does! It’s this kind of real sex education that we at Bliss love and we are positive you will too.

If you have asked yourself a similar question then this is a great podcast to listen to. If sex started out fun and exciting (and on a regular basis), but then life happened…

If life got busy, you got tired and if you feel like you are too familiar with each other and there is not mystery or spark anymore. Do feel like things are a little lack-lustre in the bedroom.

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Sexual self-care means being mindful during sexual experiences.

Does this sound familiar?

101 things on my to do list - Fatigued and pained - Too busy, Too tired - My scars are ugly - Hurry up or no that is not right.

Who has all this and far more going on in their head?

It’s all that distracts us during intimacy & sexual experiences. I make that distinction on purpose. There is an abundance of pleasure, connection & health benefits to be had in non sexual, consensual touch. Being able to be mindful during those interactions is sexual self care.

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Where can abused men get help?

Q: On June 30 you attempted to take gender out of a discussion on controlling behaviours and domestic abuse, but the bulk of the piece seemed aimed at women. It is less common, but men can also be psychologically, physically and sexually abused by women. Where can they go for help?

A: Society does tend to see women as victims and men as perpetrators. So many women are dying at the hands of their male partners that public attention and resources are, quite rightly, focused on that sector. By mentioning the high rate of male suicide I was attempting to broaden our understanding of the negative effects of domestic dysfunction.

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Sexual self care is knowing sex does not have to be spontaneous.

Spontaneous sex is a romantic notion that modern life does not always allow and health challenges chuckle at. Make a date and commit to it, manage your time, your energy and your connection in the lead up to it. Place a priority on your connection and your pleasure. Talk about it and what you are ready for before hand. It tell your partner what your boundaries are and it also builds anticipation.

Remember life happens so it is OK to change plans but try not to make it every time – that’s not priority or commitment. Start small.

Isiah McKimmie’s podcasts have graciously been shared with the Bliss Community. We love her work and we are grateful that she is allowing us to share her podcast through Bliss. In this podcast Isiah will talks about How and where to start when you haven’t had sex in months or years.

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Sexual self care is knowing that there is more to sex than intercourse.

This could be a long one. Do not let your definition of sex be defined by porn or what you see in Hollywood romance movies.

Sex and pleasure are a smorgasbord and you get to choose what works for you. You can even change your mind and/or go back for seconds. Its all the fun, pleasurable, cheeky, exciting stuff you can get up to before orgasm, before intercourse and even before your clothes come off. It is pleasure in whatever form that takes for you.

Once you understand that sex is broader than many people think it opens up a whole new world to explore. Then the trick is to be able to communicate that to your partner(s).

It is safe to assume that most of us a pretty good at communicating in most situations in life. We are taught from a young age how to communicate what we need and want. Then there is sex and we are for the most part not taught about and not all that great at. Research (Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy) tells us that sharing sexual needs and desires with your partner positively improves relationship satisfaction.

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Sexual self-care means communication & patience.

This refers to communication with your health professionals about treatment options and sexual function outcomes or problems you are having. It also refers to communication with your partner. Sometimes sex is hard to talk about, family, religion, cultural norms etc.. can all impact on how comfortable we are talking about sex. Communication is key. Learning to work together is an important part of sharing pleasure. Patience is with yourself, your partner and your health professional. We are all human and this is hard, but worth it.

Communication takes work. A lot of it. How often have you walked away from a conversation with your partner feeling angry, disappointed or misunderstood especially when it has to do with sex? How often have you said things you regretted, things that hurt your partner unnecessarily? How often have you wished for more open and honest communication with the person your intimate partner?

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Sexual self-care means understanding your likes, dislikes, and knowing that if those change, it’s ok.

It doesn’t just mean what you like sexually. We experience pleasure in all areas of our life. Illness and other stressors can change many aspects of our lives including how we experience pleasure and what we enjoy and appreciate. It forces us to face these changes so that we can move forward. Mindful self touch, like meditating can settle our mind, and our body. Pleasure mapping solo or partnered can be a non sexual to redefine pleasure. Pleasure mapping can also be used to start to explore pleasure in sexual touch.

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A bad BDSM experience has shaken me up

Q: For years I’ve enjoyed BDSM play but a recent bad experience has shaken me. I hooked up with a guy, who seemed to be an experienced "top", and we negotiated a scene together. He was able to take me deep into "sub" space and I enjoyed pushing my boundaries. When it was over though, he just went and had a shower. I asked if I could shower too and he handed me a towel and told me he was calling me a taxi. I felt shell-shocked and bewildered by the way he just cut me off.

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Are we too young to stop having sex?

Q: Can a marriage be good, happy and fulfilled but sexless? Gino (52) and I (48) have been married for 20 years. After our two children were born, sex dwindled, due to the usual pressures of family life. We are still relatively young, but haven't had sex for almost three years because Gino lost interest too. We both agreed this was OK. I was never a very sexual person. Gino usually initiated sex, and I don't miss it. We still have a very good relationship, and kiss and cuddle, and have physical contact. Are we too young to stop having sex?

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How do I move on from a bad relationship?

Q: I’m struggling to let go of my ex, and am allowing him to keep mistreating me. We agreed to part in February, but I’m drawn to him. He doesn’t want contact but I keep persisting, so he relents and we see each other and are intimate. That comforts me, but then it’s over, and I feel even worse. It’s an awful cycle of disrespect, to both myself and from him. How can I move on?

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7 ways to increase your chance of having an orgasm - tonight!

We are so excited to have the first of Isiah McKimmie’s podcasts shared with the Bliss Community. We love her work and we are grateful that she is allowing us to share her podcast through Bliss. In this podcast Isiah will be answering this question, “I have had orgasms before. Most of the time by myself and sometimes with my partner, but the thing is, I don’t always with him. It’s really frustrating. I don’t really know what it is. Do you have any tips for someone like me?”

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Since my marriage ended I miss hugs, cuddles and affectionate contact

Q: My marriage ended eight years ago. I’ve seen a few women since, but nothing developed. Recently, I’ve tried a dating site. I’ve had coffee with a couple of people, but again, nothing clicked. Now in my 50s, I realise I’m fairly content with life as it is, apart from one thing. I’ve always been a very tactile person. I’m not so bothered about sex, but I miss hugs, cuddles and affectionate contact. I enjoy a regular massage, but that’s a commercial, clinical arrangement. Any suggestions?

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How parents can talk to their children about sexual education.

Q: Lucy (10) and Ben (12) are great kids, and get on well with Ian and I, but puberty is approaching. I want to keep the channels of communication open between us, but I know teenagers often shut their parents out. I would love it if they felt they could talk to us if something concerns them, especially in the area of sexuality, but I feel pretty ignorant and at a loss about modern sex – sexual orientation, porn, STIs, sexting and so on. How can I get better informed, and springboard this kind of conversation?

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