Posts in Relationships
Sexual self-care means communication & patience.

This refers to communication with your health professionals about treatment options and sexual function outcomes or problems you are having. It also refers to communication with your partner. Sometimes sex is hard to talk about, family, religion, cultural norms etc.. can all impact on how comfortable we are talking about sex. Communication is key. Learning to work together is an important part of sharing pleasure. Patience is with yourself, your partner and your health professional. We are all human and this is hard, but worth it.

Communication takes work. A lot of it. How often have you walked away from a conversation with your partner feeling angry, disappointed or misunderstood especially when it has to do with sex? How often have you said things you regretted, things that hurt your partner unnecessarily? How often have you wished for more open and honest communication with the person your intimate partner?

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Sexual self-care means understanding your likes, dislikes, and knowing that if those change, it’s ok.

It doesn’t just mean what you like sexually. We experience pleasure in all areas of our life. Illness and other stressors can change many aspects of our lives including how we experience pleasure and what we enjoy and appreciate. It forces us to face these changes so that we can move forward. Mindful self touch, like meditating can settle our mind, and our body. Pleasure mapping solo or partnered can be a non sexual to redefine pleasure. Pleasure mapping can also be used to start to explore pleasure in sexual touch.

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A bad BDSM experience has shaken me up

Q: For years I’ve enjoyed BDSM play but a recent bad experience has shaken me. I hooked up with a guy, who seemed to be an experienced "top", and we negotiated a scene together. He was able to take me deep into "sub" space and I enjoyed pushing my boundaries. When it was over though, he just went and had a shower. I asked if I could shower too and he handed me a towel and told me he was calling me a taxi. I felt shell-shocked and bewildered by the way he just cut me off.

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Are we too young to stop having sex?

Q: Can a marriage be good, happy and fulfilled but sexless? Gino (52) and I (48) have been married for 20 years. After our two children were born, sex dwindled, due to the usual pressures of family life. We are still relatively young, but haven't had sex for almost three years because Gino lost interest too. We both agreed this was OK. I was never a very sexual person. Gino usually initiated sex, and I don't miss it. We still have a very good relationship, and kiss and cuddle, and have physical contact. Are we too young to stop having sex?

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How do I move on from a bad relationship?

Q: I’m struggling to let go of my ex, and am allowing him to keep mistreating me. We agreed to part in February, but I’m drawn to him. He doesn’t want contact but I keep persisting, so he relents and we see each other and are intimate. That comforts me, but then it’s over, and I feel even worse. It’s an awful cycle of disrespect, to both myself and from him. How can I move on?

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7 ways to increase your chance of having an orgasm - tonight!

We are so excited to have the first of Isiah McKimmie’s podcasts shared with the Bliss Community. We love her work and we are grateful that she is allowing us to share her podcast through Bliss. In this podcast Isiah will be answering this question, “I have had orgasms before. Most of the time by myself and sometimes with my partner, but the thing is, I don’t always with him. It’s really frustrating. I don’t really know what it is. Do you have any tips for someone like me?”

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Since my marriage ended I miss hugs, cuddles and affectionate contact

Q: My marriage ended eight years ago. I’ve seen a few women since, but nothing developed. Recently, I’ve tried a dating site. I’ve had coffee with a couple of people, but again, nothing clicked. Now in my 50s, I realise I’m fairly content with life as it is, apart from one thing. I’ve always been a very tactile person. I’m not so bothered about sex, but I miss hugs, cuddles and affectionate contact. I enjoy a regular massage, but that’s a commercial, clinical arrangement. Any suggestions?

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How parents can talk to their children about sexual education.

Q: Lucy (10) and Ben (12) are great kids, and get on well with Ian and I, but puberty is approaching. I want to keep the channels of communication open between us, but I know teenagers often shut their parents out. I would love it if they felt they could talk to us if something concerns them, especially in the area of sexuality, but I feel pretty ignorant and at a loss about modern sex – sexual orientation, porn, STIs, sexting and so on. How can I get better informed, and springboard this kind of conversation?

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5 Naughty Ways to Have More Fun in Bed

A: Great question, thanks for asking. Relationships take work, no matter if you are in the beginning or down the track. The difference is in the beginning we don’t see that the work we put in is effort. Making that effort at any stage doesn’t have to be a drag and is a great thing for your relationship. Inject some imaginative and goofy play into your sex life to increase the fun levels.

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My new partner has some habits I find intensely irritating

Q: I’m 55, and have started seeing a woman. We are compatible on most levels, and I see the potential for a long-term relationship. We’re from different cultural backgrounds, which we both find appealing. However, she has some eating habits I find intensely irritating – slurping her food, eating quickly and urgently, and talking with her mouth full. I’m worried about the impression she’ll make on my family and friends. I suffer from a degree of misophonia, and am not able to tolerate some sounds. I don’t want this to be a deal-breaker. What can I do?

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5 Ways To Make Sex More Fun When You're In A Long-term Relationship.

A: Thanks for asking the question. It is not easy to speak up and ask. I also want to tell you that it is very common for couples in long term relationships to feel as though their sex routine has become predictable. Many people want to spice things up in the bedroom but don’t know where to start. They can find suggesting new things intimidating let alone actually doing them. As Bliss’s resident sexologist I am here to help and show you that it is not as hard as you might think to bring fun back into your sex life.

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What to do if you love a position but it hurts.

Whether it is doggy style or you on top, each to their own. I think we can all agree it sucks when something you and your partner enjoyed is disrupted when your favourite position hurts. It is actually very common for women to experience discomfort or pain during sexual intercourse. It is also very common that we try to ignore it, by just doing it without complaining or we avoid sex. Neither does you or your partner any favours.

If working out ways to get into your favourite positions and getting back into having sex with your partner appeals to you then keep reading.  

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How will I find a partner if I don't enjoy sex?

Never forget that a woman’s pleasure is as important as a man’s. He can be as ready to go as soon as he has an erection. Women need more time. During arousal, the blood vessels become engorged, and the woman gets an internal erection. The body releases natural lubricants, and the vaginal canal lengthens. Vigorous intercourse when you are not aroused can easily become painful. Enduring painful sex acts like aversion therapy

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5 ways to stop Motherhood Ruining Your Sex Life - reconnect with yourself & your pleasure.

Motherhood can feel like a marathon, our energy going into our children, work, house, friends, family, portraying the perfect life to fill our social media. Our lives and our children’s lives are more connected and scheduled than ever before. Some would argue that motherhood has been taken to a higher energy, time and focus level than ever before. This makes sense when we are caring for our newborns but not as our children grow. If our energy is totally devoted to our children, house, and work what is left for us and for our sexual/intimate lives? Why have we put our sex lives on hold as if it is not an important part of our life or our relationship?

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5 tips for managing fatigue when living with endometriosis.

Many women living with endometriosis experience fatigue. For some women with endometriosis, fatigue can be one of the more debilitating symptoms even to the point of effects work and relationships. Disease activity, pain levels, medications, age, poor mental and/or physical health, and the absence of sufficient social support are related to fatigue. You should always discuss your fatigue with your doctor to rule out any treatable causes of fatigue such as anemia, hormonal issues or another pathology.

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How to handle the laws of emotion.

Q: Sam and I have always worked on our relationship, reading books, and attending workshops and seminars. We've resolved a range of problems over the years, but there is one destructive pattern that seems impossible to change. Sometimes, something is said or done that triggers an extreme reaction in one, or both of us. The anger, fear, and blame expressed is so intense you'd think we hated each other. What's going on?

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We should be happy together, but we're not.

Q: Ruth and I are coming up for our 10th wedding anniversary. We have two great kids (8 and 5), we both work, have a nice home, and should be happy together, but we’re not. We went through some tough times with health issues, a period of unemployment, and my mother’s transition into a nursing home, and, now things are calmer, we can barely talk to one another without it turning into a row. Can we get back on track, or is divorce inevitable?

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I am turned off by the thought of physical intimacy.

Q: I think our society is obsessed with sex. The pressure to look sexually attractive, same sex relationships, sexual abuse, assault and harassment, controversy about contraception and abortion, infidelity, sex-ed in schools, worries about porn, or STIs … it seems to be everywhere you look. I think I must be a freak. I am not sexually attracted to anyone, of any gender, or body type. I have had deep friendships, bordering on what I suppose is love, but I have absolutely no inclination to become physically intimate with people. Is there something wrong with me?

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