I was asked how to approach Valentine’s day when a client had only just started a new relationship? How big or small do you go? It is easy to say why it can feel like a minefield when such a loaded holiday is fast approaching when you are still learning about each other in a new relationship. Here are a few quick tips for navigating the minefield.

1. Talk About It

   Number one above all, talk about it. No matter the nature of your relationship, exclusive, no strings, poly in any of its forms, however, you define your relationship. Talk about it, any new relationship is full of lust and fun, but communication is also important. So, talk about Valentine’s Day beforehand, it won’t be a surprise, it is everywhere. Keep it simple and say something like, Valentine’s Day is soon and then progress to asking what they would like to do, while you are talking you could make some suggestions. It might also be worth discussing price limits, unromantic right, maybe but it saves anyone feeling embarrassed because they did or didn’t spend enough. It doesn’t have to be complicated.

2. Time versus Seriousness as a Guide.

   Well for some a month could equal a couple of dates even sex, for others it could mean they are inseparable and monogamous. So, time is a little irrelevant in the decision making around Valentine’s Day. How serious is the relationship? Are all parties on the same page with this? If you are exclusive(ish), have the talk about what to do, likes and dislikes. If you are not it really is a personal decision as to whether you go down Valentine's Day road. Not ready, you might decide that it is best to not make plans for V day but that you will see each other the weekend after, nothing wrong with that,  

3. New Relationship Surprises

   No, not a good idea in a new relationship, especially if you have not had the talk about how serious you are or are not, or how you are defining and expressing your relationship you're your partner isn’t ready for it and is not on the same page as you it could end up being a bad surprise rather than the good surprise you had planned. When it is new plan something together and leave the surprises for next year or even another time of the year when things are clearer.

4. Keep it Simple.

   If you haven’t guessed this is a favorite saying of mine and it can apply to any part of a relationship. That could mean cooking together at one of your houses or a picnic somewhere or even a movie. It doesn’t have to be a battle for a reservation or a panic about what to wear. Keeping it simply gives you time to work out where your relationship is going and to get to know each other.

5. Enjoy Yourself and Have Fun

   Everyone wants to enjoy any time they spend with someone they are interested in. Don’t let V Day put pressure on you and take the fun and enjoyment out of your time together.