No matter how long (or short) you have been together there are some basics for enhancing your sex life. You can transform it into something that’s mind-blowing, we asked Jodie West our CEO and resident sexologist for 7 basics for a better sex life. Let’s Go.
Jodie says if you don’t know what you like how is your partner supposed to know? Jodie suggests masturbation is the perfect way to know what you like, a bonus is that it is a great way to relax and it can also help build you libido (aka sexual desire). Whether it’s clitoral stimulation, or getting just the right spot be it the G-spot or the P-spot self-pleasure is an not only important for knowing what you like but also an essential form of self-care. It allows you to communicate your to your partner what works and what does not which equals more pleasure for you both.
- No magic wand or pill
Jodie says she often gets people asking, “isn’t there a quicker way to fix this?” The truth is no but it is not a never-ending story by any means, things like these basics are a great start for building your version of a great sex life. This also means that there is more to sex then penis in vagina sex or a 5-minute session. So shifting your mindset from quick is better or let’s find the quickest way to make this happen to focus on sex dates of a longer duration. Foreplay or outer play is an excellent way to get the juices flowing and to focus on pleasure and increasing arousal. It starts even before you start taking clothes off, build anticipation, build intimacy and it will build arousal.
- In it together
You live, you learn, your interests, tun ons and turn offs change as you do. Jodie says that many people are stuck in the idea that we do it this way and that is just the way we do it, or they want me to do it and so I should because it shows that I love them. Jodie urges you to stop and think about what does turn you on and what turns you off, what are you doing with your partner and is it something that you also find arousing? If not even if it used to but now it, doesn’t it is OK to say no. Exploring your body through masturbation will quickly show you what you do and don’t like, it is also empowering to know your pleasure and how it changes as you do. No one needs to do anything that they are not comfortable with, no matter how long you have been together or if you use to like it or if you have always just done it that way, you ALWAYS have the right to say NO. Sex should be mutually beneficial and consensual, and if one partner is not happy, then it’s simply not worth the effort.
- Try New Things
Jodie says “variety really is the spice of life”. Boredom can destroy our sex drives, having said that as mentioned before, saying no when you do not want to do something is your right and should always be respected. Trying new things every now and then can help spark your interest in sex, it could be something as simple as a new position or as fun as a new sex toy.
- Don't settle
Sex isn’t all about the orgasm but for many that is how they measure good sex. Shifting your focus from orgasm to pleasure, from penetration to foreplay/outer play can be a great way to take pressure of achieving orgasm. If your partner orgasms easily but you take more time that is not anything out of the ordinary. Contrary to Hollywood love scenes and porn climaxes simultaneous orgasm is not the normal. So let your partner know you haven’t got there yet and guide them on how they can help you reach orgasm or the level of pleasure that you are happy with.
- Prioritize Intimacy and Connection
If you’re in a committed relationship, intimacy and connection create a safe space to explore pleasure. It allows you to really trust and respect your partner, and it gives you a feeling of acceptance and freedom. Jodie says that all of those elements are fantastic aphrodisiacs, she emphasises the importance of these in all relationships especially longer-term relationships.
- Educate Yourself
As with anything educating yourself helps build confidence and interest. However, if you have tried a bunch of different techniques, or you have some sexual anxiety or trauma, it is advisable to seek a sex therapist, or even a couple’s counsellor. They can help you address these underlying issues or any emotional disconnection that’s causing problems in your sex life.
Jodie says that finding the root cause of any issues, problems, disconnection, or anxiety you have in your sex life is the most important thing, and taking action is the second. Remember that you are not alone in building your better sex life and that there are professionals and resources that can help you.
Disclaimer: The information contained in this document should be read as general in nature and is only to provide and overview of the subject matter. Please read product packaging carefully and follow all instructions. Seek advice specific to your situation from your medical professional or mental health professional. Safe - Sane - Consensual