If you are in a relationship and stuck in a sexual rut, you’re not alone. Dry spells are common no matter your age or stage in life. The important thing to know is that a dry spell does not signal the end of your sex life. I get asked questions about getting out of rut all the time so here are some quick tips that may help;
- Try something new outside the bedroom. Get moving in a new way, try getting your body moving in a way that invigorates you and makes you even more comfortable in your own body. If you need some extra ideas you can check out a list fo 50 from one of our downloads.
- Communication is important. Make time in your busy life to communicate it is an important tool for dealing with pent up frustrations that can play out in a sex drought or rut. It is also important for maintaining and building intimacy. Finding out what isn’t working in a relationship is an important step to improving it. If you need support in this talking to a sexologist, couples counsellor or your doctor is a good place to start.
- Try doing something that is exciting and gives you a bit of a rush. The idea is to get dopamine flowing in your body. Dopamine is one of the chemicals directly linked to physical attraction and arousal. It is the hormone that gives you the romantic high in the beginning of a relationship or during rekindling moments of a longer term relationship. You could try a rollercoaster (abide by the medical guidelines for riding such things), a moto cycle ride if you or your partner have your licence or if dancing gets your heart racing try a couples salsa class. Bonding over activities like this can spark arousal.
- Find out what you both enjoy. A 2016 online research survey on 1,200 men and women ages 18-25 showed that men and women have wildly different sexual expectations. So find a time to schedule a time to have a honest and frank discussion about what you do and don’t like sexually, explore new sex moves, and talk about your hidden fantasies. This is about building intimacy not creating stress. If you would like some help getting started you can try one of our downloads designed specifically for this or a consult with our resident sexologist Jodie West.
- Take time away. Use the time to reconnect intimately and sexually. Take time to talk, experiment and play. It could be a trip away or a staycation. You may even prefer a simple day trip for a change of scenery but still with the purpose of reconnecting intimately and sexually.
- Put on a show. This couple be an erotic dance or even masturbating in front of your partner. If masturbation with all eyes on you is too much try both of your masturbating while next to each other. This is extremely sexy but also a great way to share with each other what techniques work for you. Bonus is that masturbation is also good for your health.
- Try taking a sex course then make time to do your homework. You can learn about new sex positions, techniques, and toys and accessories and sexual wellness. We have courses on the way and we also have plenty of useful information available in the Bliss Journal.
Try talking to your GP, gynaecologist, pelvic physiotherapist, sleep specialist, sex therapist, counsellor or coach can help.
If you have a question that you would like to get Jodie to answer you can email email@example.com
Jodie West is our CEO and Resident Sexologist at Bliss. Jodie is known for initiating Taboo conversations about women's health & sexuality. Her own health challenges & the changes they brought about in general life & sex life were the catalysts for taboo smashing projects that have made & continue to make changes in the landscape of women's health in Australia.