We hear more about BDSM, Domination and submission in the bedroom in more mainstream media these days. For some the language we just used in interchangeable but for others it is not. As with most things relating to sexuality it is a spectrum. The important thing to understand if this is something you want to try is that it involves good communication, trust and obedience. Not everything in the spectrum is for every person so talking about boundaries and what you do and don’t want to do or get out of the experience is very important.
What you do can be based on a fantasy. It can start with something as simple as the submissive calling their partner “Master” or “Madam”. Some who are submissive like to be humiliated or partake in activities that are typically considered demeaning. Impact play can play a part in the process. It is really up to what you and your partner desire.
Now a little more about roles. The Dominant is not just about having your way. Over time the Dominant helps to build the submissive’s confidence overtime, establishing boundaries and pushing their submissive just that little bit out of their comfort zones in order to show their inner strength. As the submissive, thanks or praise is not something that you should be expecting, the reward comes from the Master or Madam’s satisfaction and contentment.
Given the nature of this kind of play trust is highly important. After-all if the Dominant is using force or inflicting a mixture of pleasure and pain then the submissive trusting them is vital. They must be able to trust that they won’t suffer major physical pain (bad pain) or injury. Some forms of play are a far cry from a little slap on the bum. Safe words are common, they are decided on before the scene starts and when used it is a very clear signal that there is too much pain or that the submissive is being pushed too far beyond their comfort zone. The safe word allows the Dominant to switch things so that the scene can continue with minimal interruption or stopped entirely if need be.
Sex toys can play a part in Dominating sex. They can be used for for edging or orgasm denial. Bondage can include hig ties, hand cuffs, spreader bars, rope play or any other way of creating a restraint. While restrained the submissive could be spanked, whipped, or another form of impact play. This may not be your cup of tea but for some it is very stimulating and pleasurable. The submissive is not entirely powerless and vulnerable in a good dynamic they can stop or change the scene with the use of the safe word. With that they do need to trust their Dominant 100% in whatever fantasy scene they have agreed to participate in.
One night of tying up your partner or spanking them does not make you a Dominant. It can be a first step into incorporating more of it into your life, living the lifestyle or indulging a growing fetish. However, experimenting is fun, and trying new things is a great way to keep your sex life from becoming repetitive. When experimenting with light bondage, communication is still key. Talk to each other and be open about what you like and dislike from a sexual perspective before you start. Communicate during so you know you are both finding it pleasurable, and no one is feeling out of their depth or totally outside their comfort zone.
Your could try the Tantra Feather Teaser by Lelo for some gentle sensory play or if you want a more than just a tingle or a sting, the Bound Nubuck Leather Flogger or the Bound Nubuck Leather Padded Paddle either is a great choice. Restraints you could try Fetish Fantasy Series Deluxe Silk Rope, Pleasure Tape or Bound to Please Silicone Universal Cuffs. There are plenty of other products to choose from in our Kinky Pleasure Collection.
Have fun. Communicate. Do what feels good and comes naturally for both of you. Forced fun isn’t great or pleasurable so always make sure anything you do is consensual. Foreplay is still a thing and after care is definitely a thing.