Recently we decided to ask some questions about different aspects of sex and we got some very interesting answers. We asked men and women separately how they performed cunnilingus aka oral sex and how they like to receive it. You may or may not be shocked to learn that there were some distinct differences between the answers (we know this is coming from a very binary perspective, not totally hetro-normative but yes binary. They were the people that responded but more than happy to collect more data from a broader demographic, so please get in touch).
First some definitions;
Oral sex means using your mouth, lips or tongue to stimulate your partner’s genitals or anus. You’ve probably heard oral sex called many names – ‘going down’, a ‘blow job’, ‘giving head’, a ‘69’ or ‘rimming’, and the list goes on.
There are also medical names for oral sex to: oral sex on the vagina, vulva and clitoris is called cunnilingus, and oral sex on the penis is called fellatio. Oral sex involving the anus, it’s called anilingus.
Oral sex can be a natural and enjoyable part of sex between partners if both of you enjoy it and consent to it. However oral sex without protection does come with risks.
A few important points:1. Communication is important.
We say it a lot but our little survey reinforced the point that sex is a taboo topic many of us find it hard to talk about, even couples struggle to talk about it. A surprising number of women that we chatted to said that they didn’t like cunnilingus because they had never enjoyed it. When asked if they told their partner they hadn’t enjoyed it or what they could do to make it more pleasurable the women said no.
It is so important to share how you feel, what you like, or dislike to make cunnilingus more pleasurable. If we don’t tell our partners how will they know, the average porn on the internet is not going to show them.
Partners please ask her what she likes. Pay attention to how her body reacts to your touch, encourage her guide you and listen.
2. Not everyone likes oral sex.
That goes for anyone and if it is not your thing that’s ok.
3. Every body is different.
What one woman likes another may not, so this is not infallible list. There is no magic list and anyone that swears that they have a definitive list is lying to you. The following is however a great place to start.
This is a guide to give you a list of Dos and Don’ts.
DO: Tease, please! The key to a great orgasm is to the slow build up. Build anticipation of your touch is simply tantalising. Start playing with the vulva, the thigh, between the legs, touch, lick, blow on it, stimulate the area in ways your partner likes — gently! Oral sex doesn’t have to last hours, but longer than 30 seconds is a good start.
DON’T: Please, rush. As much as you may like giving oral sex, do not rush there like you are starving. Gently, gently and pay attention to how your partner responds.
DO: Go slow and increase the speed as you see her body respond and become more aroused.
DON’T: Go to the clitoris right away. Tease around it, it’s the last part you touch when she is really aroused.
DO: Some women like a soft touch and can’t stand strong stimulation. Others prefer a stronger stimulation and might even find a soft touch frustrating. Again, it’s important to talk about these things. If stronger is better, you could help yourself by using your fingers on the clitoris. Another option is using a clitoral vibrator a great trick for not getting too tired but if you would prefer to do it yourself then sucking the clitoris could also work.
DO: Try circles around the clitoris or some kind of up and down movements with gradually increasing speed. Try using your whole tongue for more pressure but she may also prefer more pinpoint stimulation so just the tip of your tongue maybe enough.
DO: Try double stimulation. You could also try stimulating her G Spot during oral. Insert your fingers into her vagina using a “come here” movement with your fingers while inside. You can also use a toy designed for G Spot Stimulation like a Njoy Pure Wand or Rave by We-Vibe.
With any sexual activity this needs to be your first concern.
STIs can be transmitted between partners during oral sex. Put even more simply, you can catch an STI during oral sex. So, it’s very important to protect yourself even during oral sex, or any form of oral sex.
If you don’t date any other partners, you both/all get tested regularly, you may make different choices. If anyone has mouth ulcers, herpes or any other mouth issue, protection is a must.
Protection for your vulva? Glyde Dams they are like little blankets that you use to cover your vulva. Unfortunately, many vulva owners report that they are not all that comfortable. An alternative to the Dam is a Female Condom or Internal Condom. They tend to be a bit less likely to move around than a dental dam. Being inserted in the vagina helps with this but it is also useful if you want to switch to penetrative sex.
The biggest take away from this is hopefully that the key to great sex is communication. If we don’t share what we want or what gives us pleasure that then our partners will not know, after all they are not mind readers. They will learn to read your body as they recognise your pleasure in your body movements and sounds. Also communicating overcomes taboos and barriers to great sex.