Sexual Fantasies are normal, some of us find it easier to share than others. Some people keep those fantasies to themselves and use them as a part of self-pleasure. Some find it easy to share but others find bringing up the topic of fantasy with a partner can be awkward. A question I get asked is how do I share my sexual fantasy with my partner? What’s the best way to bring up the topic with my sexual partner?
Fantasy is Normal & Natural
First things first, fantasy is completely normal and natural. We are all unique sexual beings, and this means that each of us will have different turn-ons and desires, and we need to respect that. Before you discuss your fantasies with your partner, you need to come to terms with them yourself. It’s important to know that it is ok to think what you’re thinking. Understanding that your partners desires are important and that it is important that your partner respects your desires in return.
Fantasy can stay as a fantasy.
Yes, that’s right, just because you’re thinking and talking about it, doesn’t mean you have to go out and do it in real life. Some people mistake dirty talk in the bedroom as something they must act on, and it doesn’t always work out. One example might be that you might say that you want to have a threesome which may be a huge turn on in the moment but when sex ends it doesn’t mean you have to find a third person to bring into your bedroom. It can just be a fantasy that you share with your partner, that you both get turned on by but you don’t ever act on.
Start Small & Work Your Way Up
Like anything in life small steps are the best way to start. Introducing your fantasy in a non-threatening way. If you have a burning desire to use whips and chains with your partner, the small step you might start with telling them that you would love to tie them up using a soft length of fabric.
Starting small allows both you and your partner to warm up to the idea, say yes to some fun new scenarios and develop skills. Be patient and take your time, and respect where your partner is at as you explore this new aspect of your intimacy.