Not wanting sex or not feeling sexual is not uncommon at different times throughout life. The impact of hormones on sexual responses can be huge, whether it is child birth, menstrual cycle or menopause. Menopause kicks in and it is not uncommon for sex to take a backseat. Along with low libido, there is vaginal dryness, tightness and decreased sexual sensation put it all together and sex may be either painful, uncomfortable or simply too much like hard work.
If penetrative sex is your focus in sex, your definition of ‘real’ or enjoyable sex during menopause can often mean sex is put to the side. It can be a challenge to get back into enjoying sex again. The truth is that there is more to sex then penetration. Intimacy does not have to be confined to the bedroom or the end of the day, finding ways during the day to be intimate with your partner is important. Think, morning kiss, sharing a cheeky text when you are at work, cuddling or snuggle up on the couch, ways to be intimate are only limited by your imagination even when penetrative sex is off the cards.
Taking the focus off penetrative sex is one simple way to actually boost your libido and help you feel sexual again. It is a common exercise that sex therapists and counsellors use with clients.
Pick an erogenous zone.
Try getting back to kissing, lips are highly sensitive erogenous zones and are often underestimated. Kissing trigger’s a cocktail of hormones and neurotransmitters, talk about a great catalyst for a feel good moment. Dopamine is released, the feel-good neurotransmitter which helps us to feel pleasurable sensations. Kissing passionately can raise serotonin and adrenaline levels both contribute to the dilation of blood vessels as oxygen levels increase in the brain, this results in flushed cheeks, dilated pupils, racing pulse and irregular, deeper breathing (got to love that feeling).
The look of love
Just looking at someone in a certain way (or being looked at a certain way), can create sexual pleasure and sensations, from shivers down your spine to feeling breathless. Flirting isn’t just for the beginning of a relationship. A little flirting can really add some spice to your sex life, even in long term relationships. A secret look or code that you can use even in the most public of situations that lets your partner know you are thinking of something sexy can be a real turn on and a bit of flirty fun.
Get in touch
Skin is the biggest erogenous zones in our body and a simple cuddle causes the release of oxytocin, a feel good hormone. When we’re sexually aroused, oxytocin (bonding hormone) levels increase significantly, a main factor in achieving an orgasm, which in turn, causes the release of more oxytocin. Touch is so important for connection, intimacy and even our physical, emotional and relational health. A gentle stroke on the back of the neck, along your arm, can help you reconnect. Gentle breath on the back of your neck, a brush of the knee, a caress even through clothes can produce a sexual sensation. However, and wherever you enjoy being touched, exploring your own erogenous zones is fun and will increase your sexual desire.
Sensory deprived sex
Your sense of touch, hearing, smell and taste are all heightened by sight deprivation. Not knowing what is coming next increases sexual arousal, so try combining blindfold play with slow sensual all over body massage. Incorporate touch with a feather or silk scarf. Tracing an ice cube or drizzling champagne over your partner’s stomach, penis or clitoris will make them shudder with surprise and desire.
Explore sex toys
Sex can become boring over time if you have the same routine, so spice things up by incorporating sex toys into your sex play. Start out simple with a bullet vibrator it is a great way to start your sex toy journey. Bullets are versatile, they can be used for clitoral stimulation, nipple play, or can be used around the head of the penis and along the shaft.
Sex toys are also great to discover new types of sexual stimulation, especially if you find yourself struggling to orgasm or sex isn’t doing it for you anymore. Playing solo, putting on a show for your partner or letting them take control with your toy can be highly arousing for both of you. Use a good pH balanced quality sexual lubricant to make playing with your toy, to make mutual masturbation feel even more pleasurable.
Disclaimer: The information contained in this document should be read as general in nature and is only to provide and overview of the subject matter. Please read product packaging carefully and follow all instructions. Seek advice specific to your situation from your medical professional or mental health professional. Safe - Sane - Consensual