There is nothing wrong with saying no.
You do not need to be a sex goddess and turned on all the time.
There is a very big difference between saying no when you need to in order to take care of you and saying no in order to avoid intimacy. If you are in a place where you are avoiding intimacy because it causes you pain, because it makes you anxious or there is something else going on, it is ok to ask for help. There are professionals that can help you.
You are not alone and you are worth it.
This is a simple concept but one that society seems to squash and counteract with messages that saying no means you are a tease, broken or that fridged. Women are fed messages like this all our lives and so are our partners. It is a message women in the sex industry are fighting, it is something that women, in general, need to speak out against and it is something our partners need to hear and support us in.
Gone are the days of ‘lie back and think of England’ or it is your duty. Levels of desire or libido vary across our life span, the course of a relationship and with varying stressors or health concerns. It is normal but if it is causing you distress or causing friction in your relationship then it is important to speak to your doctor about or seek help from a health professional such as a sexologist. You can find information about sexologists here.