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The Ten Commandments of Fingering a Woman– Backed by Science

Posted by Bliss Team on

Perfecting your’ fingering technique is like trying o trap a ghost. No matter how much you try (and boy, do you try hard) you just can’t quite get what you are doing wrong.

You can say that it’s a steep (read steeeeeeeeeeep) learning curve. 

But your fingers are one of your most powerful pleasure tools. They are these amazingly flexible and versatile machines you can use for foreplay, teasing, hard-core stuff, anything. 

You are just limited by your imagination, really.

It is a shame that lots of people don’t know how to use them to their full potential. 

But like everything else, you just need to know exactly what you shouldn’t do. And there are a few books on the subject but if history has taught us anything, a simple list of ten rules works just as fine.

So ladies and gentlemen, let us help you show your girl a mind-fogging, gut-rattling and back-arching kind of good time!

Read on...

  1. Cut thy nails (for Pete’s sake)

You may not have the time, maybe you were lazy or maybe you just like having long nails. But that is no excuse for fingering a woman when you have long nails.

Firstly, it can really hurt a lot, especially if you’re rough. 

Secondly, even if the woman cannot feel it you are causing microbial incisions (sciency words for tiny cuts) in the vaginal tissue. This can leave the vagina more prone to infections and yes, even STDs.

“What? You can get STDs from fingering?”

Yes, you bet you can. Any transfer of bodily fluids can lead to STDs and blood happens to be a huge factor.

Given how fingering can be a prelude to penile penetration in straight couples, you might not want to cause any microbial incisions.

2. Thou shalt not use thy saliva

And that brings us to the next point– infections.

Do you know how much microbes (including disease-causing bacteria) your saliva has? 

About 20 billion.

If the vagina, penis or finger have any cuts, a few billion of your partner’s microbes become yours. And considering how soft and sensitive vaginal tissue and some parts of the penis are, this scenario is very likely. 

If you’re wondering how bad the bacteria can be, here are is a quick example:

Neisseria gonorrhoeae is a kind of bacteria that people with gonorrhoea produce in their mouths. So even if you use a condom or a latex glove, you can still catch it because of the saliva.

We will stop talking about saliva now.

3. Remember to *look* before thy go in

This is a more common-sense kind of tip. But sadly a lot of people don’t use it.

Unless your partner is uncomfortable with it, it is acceptable to have a look at where you are going before you go in.

Don’t feel pressured to know exactly where everything is downstairs. Every woman is different and so is their vulva. You might want to scout ahead before you plunge in (so to speak).

If you don’t you run the risk of trying to enter the wrong part, and it’s not always a pleasant surprise. In fact, your partner could get seriously hurt if you do that.

It may not be incredibly sexy but you don’t want to be thrown out of her room at 2 AM, do you?

4. Thou shalt use lube

It is a popular belief that having sex with a woman does not involve lube. After all, women kind of produce their own lube right?

No, WRONG!

Women don’t secrete bucket-loads of natural lubricant (what were you thinking?). Some have problems producing them. And even if they don’t, it evaporates way too quickly.

And fingering (or doing most things sex-related) is painful without any lubricant. Not to mention it would be unhealthy because you might cause those microbial incisions we talked about.

If you are not sure about which lube to buy, you can read our guide to lube– Which Lube and Why

You can also check out our selection of glycerin and paraben-free lubes right here.

Always remember– no lube, no love.

5. Talk freely to thy partner

Relationship experts have talked time and again about the importance of communication in a relationship.

Well, sex is (usually) an important aspect of a relationship. Even if it’s the kind that lasts just an hour or less.

You might feel a little shy telling your partner what to do. But think about this: you are doing this because you want to get and give pleasure. You don’t want to do ‘meh’ fingering, you want to do ‘wow’ fingering.

And for that, you need to communicate. 

If you have doubts or questions, ask. If you want to know if you’re doing good, ask. If you want something specific done, ask.

And then, of course, listen.

Listening is, after all, the key to good communication (and sex).

6. Thou shalt cut the crap

Now, this may surprise some of you, but most girls don’t like crazy finger gymnastics.

All the different creative positions you are coming up with are probably not even going to matter. And that is because they are not pleasurable.

It is sad that all that creative juice is going to waste, yes. But seriously, if you just notice which move (and usually it will be the simplest move) gets the best reaction, you would have set yourself apart from most of their past lovers.

Or better yet, just ask them what kind of move they like or use most often. You don’t have to figure this out all by yourself you know.

7. Re-focus thy goal

Most people think the goal of fingering is getting a girl to orgasm.

Raise your hand if a person you are in bed with has ever looked up eagerly every five minutes to ask “Have you orgasmed yet?”.

Yup, quite a few of you huh?

The point of this is not to make you feel bad. It is great that you want your partner to have an orgasm. But maybe you could shift your focus a little bit towards pleasure instead.

You see, sex and fingering are not all about the orgasm. They are more like a journey of pleasure.

And sometimes, enjoying the journey means more than the climax.

Also, while we are on the topic, some women find it hard to orgasm through penetration. So don’t blame yourself for it. 

Know that she is enjoying herself regardless of whether or not she had an orgasm.

8. Thou shalt respect thy partner

Since we are coming to the end of this list, it is worthwhile to mention the two magic words– consent and respect.

Do not do anything in bed that either you or your partner doesn’t want to. It is a terrible situation to be in. Make sure you have verbal consent from both parties before you do anything.

Secondly, respect your partner’s right to say no– at any point in time. 

And the same applies to yourself. Know that you can say no whenever you want, for whatever reason you want.

9. If thy hand tires, look for another way

A common complaint while fingering is “Oh my hand is getting tired”. Or worse– “Oh, my hand is cramping up”.

This doesn’t have to mean it is the end of the world. It certainly doesn’t have to be the end of your ‘bedroom time’.

This is when you get creative. And not finger-gymnastics creative. You should probably rest your hand.

But the fun doesn’t have to end. And it certainly does not reflect on you badly. 

Just pick another bedroom activity– you have a lot to choose from.

10. Thou shalt value rhythm and consistency

Saved the best for last, as usual.

If there are two things that lead to amazing memories in the bedroom, they are rhythm and consistency.

Boring as that sounds, that is the key to most women’s pleasure *gasp*. This is the secret that you read this entire article for. 

Most people try to be everything and be everywhere. They are trying out new ideas as soon as they pop into their heads. 

And that results in no rhythm and zero consistency.

Once you both have picked your best move, go ahead and find your rhythm. It doesn’t have to be super-fast (beware of that mistake). Just check with your partner and see what is the most pleasurable rhythm for them.

And then, just do that over and over again (consistency is key).

You can thank us in comments later.

And just like that, you just took your bedroom game up a notch. Your partner will marvel at your technique and appreciate your new-found communication skills.

Heck, she might be so pleased that she might want to spice things up a little more. And guess what? 

We’ve got that covered too.

Just browse through the hot deals we have on toys right now. Who knows, you might just find the perfect one for you and your partner.

Then you can celebrate your love (or liking) for each other in high gear.

Just like nature intended *wink*.

Bliss Journal Guest Contributor

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