Whether it is doggy style or you on top, each to their own. I think we can all agree it sucks when something you and your partner enjoyed is disrupted when your favorite position hurts. It is actually very common for women to experience discomfort or pain during sexual intercourse. It is also very common that we try to ignore it, by just doing it without complaining or we avoid sex. Neither does you or your partner any favors.
If working out ways to get into your favorite positions and getting back into having sex with your partner appeals to you then keep reading.
1. Make adjustments – this means doing the same position as you always have is not a smart move. Let’s keep it simple and start with the missionary position. You might automatically wrap your legs around your partner's waist to bring them closer. That can cause pain due to the depth of penetration which for some can mean pressure on adhesions from conditions like endometriosis. In the case of traditional doggy, on your hands and knees with your partner behind you, can cause pain due to the fact that it may for some squish the vaginal canal this can make shallower can cause pain meaning the penis or toy can touch and bruise the cervix. This doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the closeness of missionary position or the sexy moments that doggy style brings it just means being smart about it and make adjustments to make it work.
2. Variations – try doggy style lying flat on your stomach rather than on your knees. It makes the depth of penetration shallower. Lie down on the bed, resting your hands under your chin or in a baby cobra position, you can have a pillow under your hips to take the pressure off your lower back. Keep your legs closed and have your partner lie on top of you, entering you from behind. This means a lot of the friction and tightness around your partner's penis is through your thighs and shallow entry into the vagina. Don’t forget the quality lubricant. For Missionary, feet down not wrapped around your partner's waist, you can still get close to your partner and enjoy that connection, but feet stay on the bed.
3. Communicate, communicate – Sex should never hurt and if it does it is important that you communicate with your partner. Communication is important in a relationship and vital for consent. Also, research has shown that partners who effectively communicate have more satisfying sex lives. If you don’t communicate and choose to suffer through the pain, you just wind up enlisting coping mechanisms like avoiding intimacy and being resentful or your partner and hugging a heat pack.
4. Look for help – A pelvic floor physio or your GP are a great place to start. You can also look at other options like the Ohnut. The Ohnut a wearable device that controls the depth of penetration and can be worn on the penis or a penetrative toy. It was designed for women that have pain during sex and for couples looking for a way to be able to continue to explore pleasure. These little super stretching and stackable rings give you the option to adjust the size of the Ohnut and therefore the depth of penetration. Which is great so you can personalise it to you no matter the position you want to explore. Oh, and don’t forget to use a quality lubricant.
5. Take the focus off penetration – Slow things down and focus on exploring each other’s bodies and a deeper connection through pleasure. Take the focus of penetration and fast pounding activities and more towards foreplay. The added lubrication and arousal created through indulging in pleasure can help reduce pain with sex. Add in any work you have done with the pelvic physio or your medical professional, adjusting positions and something like The Ohnut and you may just find that your favorite position is not so painful anymore.
Pain with sex is common but it is not something that you have to put up with. Sometimes your favorite position just isn’t working for you, even if your partner loves that positions, you do not have to do it – that goes double if it hurts. Talk to your partner and explore your options – you may find a new position or activity that you like. You do not have to put up with pain.